"Demanding Silence, Denying Growth: A Reflection on Injustice in the Church"

Alice Walker’s quote, “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow,” is a profound call to reflect on relationships and the power dynamics that either nurture or stifle our growth. As an ASPIRING (but not yet) Emotionally Focused Therapist (EFT), I find this perspective especially relevant when examining the interplay between individual emotional health and collective experiences within the American Christian church.

Silence and Injustice: A Church Perspective

The Christian church, in its best moments, can be a sanctuary for healing, growth, and connection. However, it is not immune to the pitfalls of demanding silence—particularly when individuals confront injustice within its walls. This demand for silence often manifests in subtle yet harmful ways: expectations to "forgive and forget" without accountability, the prioritization of unity over truth, or the minimization of voices that challenge systemic inequality. Such dynamics create an environment where dissent feels unsafe, and emotional authenticity is replaced by compliance.

When the church demands silence, it sends a powerful message: "Your pain is secondary to preserving the status quo." This stance denies individuals their right to process and grow through the emotional and spiritual challenges they face. For those who have experienced harm, whether through racial injustice, gender inequality, or other systemic failures, the silencing of their voices compounds their wounds and stunts their healing journey.

The EFT Lens: Emotional Suppression and Its Costs

From an EFT perspective, the demand for silence in the face of injustice is profoundly misattuned. Emotions are not threats to be subdued but signals that guide us toward connection, meaning, and growth. When individuals are told to silence their emotional responses—to "let go" of anger about injustice or "move on" from pain—they are effectively being cut off from the very mechanisms that foster healing and resilience.

Emotional suppression within church communities often leads to disconnection. People may feel unseen, unheard, and invalidated, which creates emotional isolation. Over time, this erodes trust and belonging, core elements of the church’s mission to embody love and compassion.

Denying the Right to Grow

Growth requires more than comfort; it demands courage. Courage to confront hard truths, to listen deeply to those who challenge us, and to embrace discomfort as an opportunity for transformation. When the church prioritizes silence over growth, it denies both individuals and the collective the opportunity to evolve into a fuller expression of Christ’s teachings.

As an aspiring EFT (student intern) practitioner, I’ve seen how authentic emotional engagement can create pathways for profound healing. Imagine a church that fully embraced this principle: a place where emotions like anger, grief, and fear were seen as valid expressions of the human experience and essential to confronting injustice. Such a community would not demand silence but would instead hold space for the messy, sacred work of growth.

Moving Toward Emotional and Spiritual Integrity

To live out Walker’s wisdom within the church means cultivating an environment where silence is not the price of belonging. It means acknowledging the pain of injustice and walking alongside those who seek healing. It also means challenging power structures that prioritize comfort over accountability, moving toward a model of leadership that listens, learns, and leads with humility.

In practice, this could look like:

• Creating Safe Spaces for Emotional Expression: Offering support groups or facilitated conversations where individuals can share their experiences without fear of judgment or reprisal.

• Modeling Accountability: Leaders taking responsibility for the harm caused by silence and actively working to dismantle systems of injustice within the church.

• Centering Marginalized Voices: Prioritizing the perspectives of those who have been silenced, ensuring their stories shape the church’s path forward.

• Embracing Discomfort: Viewing discomfort not as a threat but as an opportunity for collective growth and deeper connection.

  
  

A Call to Action

The church has the potential to be a beacon of healing and justice, but only if it chooses to value growth over silence. Alice Walker’s words remind us that true friendship—true community—requires honoring each other’s voices and rights to grow.

As an aspiring Emotionally Focused Therapist, I believe this starts with cultivating emotional honesty and fostering spaces where every individual feels seen, heard, and valued.

In the end, a church that embraces this ethos will not only grow spiritually but will also embody the transformative power of love and justice in action. Let us strive to build communities where silence is not demanded, growth is not denied, and everyone’s humanity is fully honored.